I find myself being more and more as a person of extremes… Sitting in one emotion at a time… Really feeling the wholeness of each pole.
I know that in my music choices, I’ve really sat with music as a whole, listening to very immersive experiences. I’ve been called out that my shit isn’t uppity and happy – true facts.
Super dark, super emotional, super experiential, super complex, super dense… synonyms of the like… super duper.
I’ve repeatedly come back to listening to Clams Casino as his beats and production takes me to the deepest depths of who I am – reflecting on losses and successes, joy and pain. It helps me to rip myself to the finest ribbons and reconstruct internally to being a stronger more aware person.
I played the single off his latest album, Moon Trip Radio, nonstop when one of my closest aunties passed away (listen below, I suggest listening to it while finishing this article). I moved away from Ontario last November and to be away ate me alive. I constantly questioned, “Is this the right thing? I can’t even be there for my family and friends… what about when they need me the most?”
It was through this experience I became more self-aware; I couldn’t stop life from happening, for myself or others. I learnt that I must continually build and grow, even pivoting away from everything I once knew. If I stayed home, I would have been there for the family but being away, resulted in living fuller and building new relationships necessary for a stronger present/future.
I routinely cry to music – something I don’t admit to a lot. I think it’s good to release; let go and feel “alllll da feeeeeelz”. A spirit can be trampled and broken many times over but if given the chance to repair and reform into a new, truer form – true to who you are now – the pain will subside and a new path will appear from the bushes.
Follow your heart above all else; give it your 100%. No one wants to be given partial effort – no one deserves that, even yourself. If you’re showing up, SHOW UP. When you only show up for obligation and not for the love of it, innately it’s just an act; a ruse.
Authenticity is one of the most beautiful things in this world and I find, more and more, it becoming a rare thing. There’s a lot of trauma behind much of our partialness, but if we don’t have a serious introspective conversation, we are cheating ourselves and the ones we love the most.
Find focus in centring yourself everyday; whether that be meditation, prayer, going to the gym, poetry, music, etc. Take 5 minutes or 2 hours but it’s time to make authenticity a habit.
Take a deep breath and reach into your pocket. You had the map all along.